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Welcome aboard!

Indian Working Moms in American Soil – isn’t the name interesting? Yes. We are indian working moms living in american soil for years.Earlier america was a distant dream. Now, one person from every indian household is in america. Being an indian working mom presents its own challenges. In addition to day-to-day activities, bringing up children in a different culture is not an easy job.We created this blog because we believe that having a forum where working moms can share their experiences, advice and support with each other can make a difference.Please join us and speak through your honest voices your concerns,advice and ideas to other moms looking for a relief from their daily jobs.

Working moms include all full-time, part-time, at home, away from home and small business owners.We also welcome moms who stay home , who worked before, who plan to work in future to join this blog.We need support from all women.

Please begin your contributions by posting personal and informative articles, start a great discussion on relevant topics and do invite your other working mom friends to the forum.
We look forward to see all your great ideas and sharing. We all are experts in our own fields. Why not, share and inspire others?

Parenting ————

This single word has so much weight and depth to it. We all have our own parenting styles. I’m still learning each day on parenting two young girls.

I read on article on how to raise happy, healthy children.
The article laid out a few things parents can do to light up their children life.
As I went over them in my head, i decided to do a self check.

Here they are, read through them and perform a self check yourself.

  • If you do all the below things, you are on right track and your kids are lucky.
    If you do some of them and not consistent , now is the time to rethink and work on it.
    If you do none of these, please take an immeidate action to change your style.

1.Tell them you love them every day:

“I love you” – the power of these 3 words is boundless. Never let a day slip by without saying these words to your kids.
Letting your kids know of your love every day boosts their security and confidence level.

2.Tell them you are glad to be their parents :

Reiterating positive words does bring an amazing personality change. At times, kids get overwhelmed and they undergo a rough time with their activities.
Their confidence soar high when we let them know they are valued. Expect a smile and may be “Iam glad to be your kid” from them.

3.Be an example:

I’m sure this is not easy. We all lose the fact that kids mirror us most of the times. We yell at them asking them to be quiet. We give them mixed results. We confuse them.
We expect them to be disciplined while we are not. Show them how you can be a better yourself in everything you do. It’s very true we learn and we change with our kids.

4.Laugh with them :

One simple thing my husband and i do is to watch curious george or kids shows with my kids and laugh with them.
Try to laugh at their jokes even if they are not funny. Teach them the value of being fun and taking things lighter.
Sometimes, acting funny will ease up a power struggle or conflict with your kids.

5.Hug them:

A parental hug is priceless. Hug them all the time to appreciate, to assure, to cherish and to love.

6. Be there for them:

It’s not about the toys, clothes, the money you spend for them. It’s about being there for your kids when they are sick, when they are happy, when they are sad and when they need you.
Sit down and have a moment with them. The ability to count on you will take your child a long way in life.

7.Listen to them:

This is again the toughest one. Most of the times, kids complain “You never listen to me”, “You always want to talk first”.
As we want our kids to listen to us, it becomes important for us to listen.
It’s always better to start a converstaion with “You go first” step.
They will learn to listen as we give them the priority to talk first.
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A Journey to my roots……

As an immigrant, we always get overjoyed traveling to India for summer vacation.Looking back at my 10 yrs in US, my visit to India was almost every year with family.
I had traveled with my husband and my kids all these years. Being married early and having my first daughter at the age of 22 had never left me alone for a second.

My visit to india in may 2010 was for 2 weeks and alone. After the tearful departure at the airport, I found myself settling in the waiting seat . I have no words to describe the emotions I had at the moment I became aware of being alone. I was surrounded by a huge crowd in the airport. I felt pin drop silence in spite of the noices.I took out my kindle(my birthday gift from my husband) and tried to focus and read . I had no constant distractions from my kids , I had no restroom visits to take care of at the last moment, I had no sibling fights to handle. I had time to read a book. I was all by myself. I couldn’t focus. My eyes were wet and my hands searched for my cell phone. I typed a miss you text to my husband’s cell number. I waited gazing at the phone. My heart beeped at the sms reply from him. I looked at the family picture in my cell . I was staring at my kids faces and for some reason I felt guilty.

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Anytime people invent, question arises on both it’s benefits and impacts. Comparing our lives to the lives of the  people before the revolution , technology does look like a boon.
The lifestyles,the infant mortality rates, the ability to travel, the ability to communicate around the world, the ability to gain knowledge quicker,housing conditions,variety of food,quality of life, the medical revolution … the list goes on.

Can you imagine a world now with no emails, internet and cell phones? Pagers,black berries, laptops – working people have the flexibility now to work anytime, anywhere with no barriers of distance , time
and travel.The luxury of getting hold of people is more in this modern era. The words are not going up in the air anymore. You can save the words,replay and capture memories digitally.
It’s technology everywhere. With a tiny webcam, people all around the world are connected virtually .We work virtually. I can relate to this working style of no more in person conference meetings.
WebEx and Instant meetings occur all around the world every single minute connecting people. Kids are even taught via webex nowadays. A teacher in boston tutors a kid in new york. World is changing.

If you think about it, the freedom of speech and expression had gone beyond imagination. Blogging is the most popular trend now.
Every single person can blog about his/her interests, hobbies and share with like-minded people.
The different innovations had taken today’s life to a level of comfort and convenience.
In every field we see man-made miracles making our lives easier.

True,true this technology evolution is mind-blowing .
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 I wanted to know whether everyone is prioritizing god and godly service in their busy schedule?

If so, how much time that you are spending for God?

I came from an orthodox conservative family. Every morning, I used to sit in pooja room (30 mts!) memorizing mantras, fasting on auspicious day (more than 3 days in a week). Definitely, I was not forced to do that and somehow I got into that habit. If I failed to do that, I felt like the whole day was screwed up.  In a way, I felt like it was a result of not thanking god that day. Was it God Fear? I cannot name that feeling.

Well, I am giving 30 sec as of today thanking for everything that I have (before hitting the car).  My husband is a non-believer and he believes in doing good things to others and donating to orphanage (instead of temple). However, he won’t question my belief and he will come to temple and he loves to munch temple snacks.

He is not stopping me in anyway. It’s me!!! I have not prioritized my belief in my special list.

My special list has Kumon / school homework, Dinner and lunch packs, House chores, Running errands, Client tasks and Follow up items for my offshore team day, returning my friend phone call & goes on. It is purely family and work centric only. I rarely fast nowadays.

I have to agree that I don’t have guilt that anymore. I don’t have God fear anymore (at least most of the time). If my kids / my husband get sick, then I am questioning my belief again. My belief haunts me.  I will go to pooja room and pray for their recovery. Visit temple that week end. I feel energized/ forgived and that will go for a while until next doctor visit / somehow hurts me deep down.  

I discussed this with my parents. They are very cool. (Should I say soo00 Americanized) Their explanation is, as long as you are taking care of my family & work, you are covered. It is equivalent to godly service.  I don’t know whether they are trying to be supportive of their kids.

I really want to hear from all moms and your take on this belief topic. Please chime in …

 
 

In every form of relationship, the struggle for power becomes part of it at some point.
The relationships can vary from work, family and emotional relationships. We try to control other’s lives
and sell our point. If you think about it, every problem begins with this feeling to win a situation.

Be it our life partner , our children or colleagues, we try to outsmart them, dominate them with our ideas and values. We don’t think they have a mind of their own. Sometimes we become the victim and sometimes we make others the victim. When we become the abuser , we get a pleasure in gaining control over other’s actions. When we are the abused , we tend to remain silent and make the scars worse than intended.

Let’s take our kids. As parents we have the expectations from our kids to obey us all the time.

It becomes a pattern and habit by nature. We tend to decide it all for our kids. Yes it does make sense until our kids are old enough. But sometimes we go overboard. I have heard time to time from my friends and family on the struggles with their kids.

“He doesn’t listen to me. He is always stuck to the computers”

“She keeps wearing weird outfits. It’s a daily battle with her outfits”

When the power struggles happen quiet frequently, it’s time to take action. Look at the patterns of the occurrence. Negotiation, choices and some flexibility will help in a win-win situation. Say yes to your kids once and make them accountable for a compromise. Give and take always works well than abide by rules logic with kids.

I have seen many couples trying to control their partners with a sense of pride. The companionship is lost in such households and you can notice at least one couple with the power struggle around you. It takes a lot of effort to understand , it’s us versus me when it comes to a successful marriage. Many marriages end in courtrooms with no room for a conversation. When bad situations occur, we tend to choose the easy route of blaming our partners . We don’t take the time to improve the situation rather we complain and empathize with the situation. The serious issue with our relationships is that we never let go of our previous experiences. We hang on to the ghosts in our closet and bring it back every time we get into an argument.

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I’m feeling rather philosophical today. I came across an article in my favorite magazine Prevention.
The author discusses about happiness and positive thinking. It made me think about our personal happiness.
All of our beliefs and feelings are based on our inner thoughts,both conscious and sub conscious.
When it comes to how happy or unhappy we are, we are the boss. Have we ever thought about what makes us happy?

Most of the time, we let situations beyond our control rule our lives. People will do selfish and dumb things and sometimes things may be just unfair, but the worst damage that anyone can do to you is what you allow them to.You may end up with a broken heart because a best friend lets you down or frustrated with not much recognition at work/personal life, but why stress yourself paying for their mistake?

Our happiness is our personal choice. It’s our life and the only one who can really ruin our life is us.
Accepting another individual is not an easy task. It takes lot of courage and insight . If you don’t like someone, make a questionnaire in your inner mind. Ask yourself if it’s the specific action that makes you mad. Bring that person’s positive qualities upfront. Think about all the good qualities he/she has. When you zoom in the positive, the negatives will become minimized.

This rule can be applied both at work and personal life. Hatred towards someone is one of the top rankers in depriving someone’s happiness. A positive outlook of people and every aspect of life will sure bring back the enthusiasm and drive out the unhappiness we feel at times.
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Walk a Mile in my shoes


I am not an athletic person.
Right from school days until now i am not into any physically challenging sports.
But here’s the funny thing.When i got into sixth grade, i somehow ended up on the long jump competition.
My first effort in long jump ended up with a sprained back. My sports story wrapped up as soon as it began.

As you know , in India sports teachers never minded kids with no athletic drive. I was more into activities like music, writing etc.
Fitness and health had no place in my dictionary.
As many sedentary people – I gained weight. I was plump and round since my childhood and didn’t find a reason to lose weight.Marriage , kids and my job added more weight. My weight became part of my life.

After all these years,I’ve found something “athletic” I enjoy. Yes I started my walking routine 2 years back. The urge to get up and start walking came up as a result of my job. My job required me to spend a lot of time sitting . Unfortunately, I know that sitting all day isn’t going to help me lead a long, healthy life. I’m lucky that i have a switch in my head i can turn on to make me do things.
Turning on is the challenge. Once I turn on , I’m good in sticking to it. I turned it on 2 yrs back.

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Frustrated Boy
Are we pushing our kids too hard?
Are we making them more stressful?

I always ask these questions to myself.
My childhood had less opportunities. I lacked the commitment to stick to any activity I pursued. I joined the music class and left it half way through. Same happened with my dance class.
I had a passion for writing , but never found time with my constant drive for grades.

I found myself pushing my kids in activities in the interest of my own ego. I didn’t realize until lately the adverse impact my childhood dreams were having on my family and my kids.
As parents we all have good intentions. We want our children to excel in all areas. But if you think about it , are our intentions noble ?

We enroll our kids in extra curricular activities most of the times due to social pressure, our own ego, our childhood dreams.
We do sacrifice and take them to every class rain or shine. It is also important to remember the extra curricular activities per se are not the problem.
Research have shown that kids performing various activities like sports, music have higher levels of self-confidence and academic performance.

But have we gone to an extreme?

  • What if these activities are making the kids overwhelmed?
    What if our expectations are crunching the family time?
    What if your child is into these activities with no interest?
  • If your child is over stressed and you find yourself having no family time, it’s time to cut back on their activities.

    Continue Reading »

    Manage and Organize your time

    Manage_Time

    To be a successful working mom, the key is “being organized”. This key ingredient makes work/life balance happy and stress free. Getting up early (even if it’s just 10 minutes) will make a big difference in our day to day life.

    These are some simple ways to be efficient working mom:

    1. Prioritize your work and act accordingly. It’s not that you have to cook everyday a full fledged meal, make sure your feeding your family and yourself nutritious and balanced food.
    2.  Always keep in touch with your kids teachers through emails, this will help you to keep up with the happenings in school, I always request my kids teacher to schedule the parent teachers conference at 6.45 am (that is, if you get a flexible teacher). That way I never missed a single conference.
    3. I also make to-do list for the entire week and update my calendar. I never missed any event in my kids school whether it’s a international potluck dinner or reading under stars, pajama day, be a mystery reader in the classroom and help to take them AR test. I will always be there.
    4. Once you prove yourself a dedicated worker, you will surely be rewarded with the flexible timing schedule at your work. I can’t stay at work after 4.00 pm, my mind will start to think how fast I can catch the train and pick my kid from the daycare. They do know that I will always login after 8.30 pm and complete my work.

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    My Journey as a working mom

    WorkingMom's Journey

    Working mom – Just say this word once to yourself and see how u feel.

    Forget about guilt for a minute and ask this question to you.

    If you are getting introduced to some new people, what you will do?…… share the name, where u r from? How many kids? ….and what’s the next question? Are u working? When you answer this question, how do u feel? Be honest.

    When I married and came to this country, almost most of the time people hit me with this question.

    I was like….what did I do? Why did I got married? Is my life end up being a homemaker (now at least I’m matured enough to say this word)? If this is the case why my dad spend so much lakhs for my college, ecommerce, java and oracle courses… But seriously my dad did make a good choice by giving my hand to this wonderful person……of course I’m talking about my husband(duhh!)
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